(picture courtesy of my mother-in-law's MAD photoshop skills!)

HI!! Yeah, I've been gone for.....ages. My life is a lot different now.....when you're truly happy, time flies.

I don't have a lot to say, and since practically nobody reads this anyway, it really doesn't matter! Let's see....where to start...

1) grandson #3 born in January...Colton Cash. Doing well..yes, that's 3 baby boys in 3 years. My daughter is HOPEFULLY done for awhile!!

2) Amanda & Jeremy were both accepted to Ball State for this fall. YAY!!

3) Chris is ok in Afghanistan, but we are anxiously waiting until he is back in the states.

4) Steven moved to Falmouth with us in March.

5) We had a hell of a winter....lost 2 vehicles in 2 accidents in a week's time. In the 2nd one, Mark flipped his truck and broke his wrist. I have never been so terrified in my life.

6) Speaking of Mark, he is absolutely wonderful. All the years I wasted being too afraid to make a change in my life...and I could have been THIS HAPPY all along. Stupid me.

So, in a nutshell, that's it. I'm still making the big trek to Indy every day, Mark is now driving to Richmond doing IT stuff that he really enjoys.

I promise I'll come back with something worthwhile SOMETIME. but for right now...just know that for the first time I can ever remember, I am really truly honestly happy.

From the most awesome Chez at Deus Ex Malcontent:
(Yes, I have purchased the book. Yes, I CANNOT recommend it highly enough! Entertaining, harrowing, brilliant, funny, sad....Chez)



No, the Other Twilight
We're still a few weeks away from the big Fall Pledge Drive around these parts, but in the interim I'm gonna ask for a minor favor from the regular readers of DXM.Basically here's the deal: Beginning tonight and for the next couple of days, I'm making a major sales push for my book, Dead Star Twilight. The reason, believe it or not, has nothing to do with money; it has everything to do with creating a spike in sales figures. I realize that this thing's been out for more than a year now and a lot of you have already downloaded and read it -- and to you, I obviously say a very big thank you -- but I know that given my daily numbers, there are plenty of you who have yet to pick up a copy. If you haven't yet read Dead Star Twilight, now's definitely the time. Suffice it to say that your support could very well lead, at long last, to something very big for your humble narrator. There are a few things that are about to begin happening behind the scenes in regard to the book, and my agent needs all the ammo he can get in his battle to bring a little recognition in this direction. Yeah, I know -- I'm really putting myself out on the line here. But anyone who's been reading this site long enough knows that this book -- as well as (you heard it here first) the potential prequel to come -- means the world to me, both personally and professionally. So if you've read Dead Star Twilight and liked it, tell your friends to buy a copy, or two or three. If you haven't read it yet -- well, for God's sake what are you waiting for?Come on, Blue Blaze Irregulars. I'm putting out the signal.To purchase Dead Star Twilight and have a PDF copy immediately downloaded to your computer go here. Excerpts from Dead Star Twilight:No Place Like Home/9.29.08 Ship of Fools/2.22.08Welcome to the Monkey House/6.4.07The Ex Files/6.7.07Imperfect Strangers/8.30.07With Love and Resentment, Your Past/9.5.07Listening Post: Memoir Edition/1.27.08DST Soundtrack/4.7.08

Happy Halloween....I guess. I'm too depressed to care..........

(yes, I am at work today in this outfit!!!)

I swear, my whole life people have told me I look like her!

Rush County Players Community Theatre Group presents: THE HAUNTED TRAIL OF TERROR!!! Oct. 23 & 24, from 7 - 11 pm. Kid friendly area in the pavilion--$5, Haunted Trail--$7, or $10 for both. Family-friendly Halloween scares for all!! Come out and support the Rush County Players!!!!

WHEW!!!! Finished the EE yesterday, and it was a hell of a ride! thanks to all the insane Pajibans out there who made it both a challenge and a joy!

Happy Anniversary to me!!

One month today!! Thanks, Mark, for making me happier than I have ever been, or ever thought I could be!

A quick note, since I am up to my eyeballs in comments....

You Pajibans are....a fucked up bunch.

To mis-quote some random guy overheard on the phone in Season 2 episode of Six Feet Under entitled "The Plan,"

I love you, you sick twisted fucks!

That's right, bitches. It is ON!

The illustrious Figgy of Pajiba, melting majestically in Texas while on vacay from Honduras, has chosen yours truly to take on the duties of choosing Pajiba's "Eloquent Eloquence"-- or top 10 comments of the week, for the upcoming week.

As a Pajiba-nut (Pajibanatic, Pajibaloonie, Pajibamaniac, what have you) I am very excited and honored. I will freely admit that I spend a large portion of my free time on Pajiba. Most of my *cough* mass *ahem* of visitors to this blog are Pajibans, so they know what the competition is like, and how exciting it is to be chosen for the top 10, if not for the #1 position. I'm not sure how I am going to do it. There are so many damn funny people on Pajiba....Skitz, TK, PissBoy, Anna VB, Julie, Dr. C, admin, Kolby, Stacy, Sabrina, Genny/Rusty, PaddyDog, Lizzie...oh, crap, I could never name you all. I don't know how I am going to choose. I did post some items that could be used for bribery, so we'll see who ponies up.

Anyway, it's going to be an interesting week. This is doubly odd, since I still have to write my confessional about my lip balm/Chapstick addiction that so many of us Pajibaladies admitted to recently.

Pray for me....it's gonna be a long, tough week.

Here are the basic rules, people....these should be followed rigorously, no matter what:

1) If you are a little fluffy, DO NOT wear a dress that is NOT MADE for your body type and is TOO SHORT....I ain't wanting to see where Tribbles come from

2) Do NOT wear hooker heels to work...unless, of course, you're a hooker

3) Your co-workers/friends DO NOT need to hear about every issue you are having, either at home or at work, ad nauseum. You know why I used that phrase? Cause it makes us NAUSEOUS!

4) If you are over the age of 7, DO NOT wear pastels EVERY SINGLE DAY OF YOUR LIFE! You have GOT to be nearing 50 and you look like a damned deranged Easter Egg!

5) STOP PACING IN BETWEEN THE CUBES!! We are freakin' trapped in here, with nothing but spotty internet usage and Ipods to try to maintain our sanity. Seeing you, especially YOU in your color-matched Garanimals, wander/pace by every 3 minutes is making us INSANE!!!

6) Please, god, use the Stitch Witchery. Hem your damn pants! I told you where to buy it, it has instructions for use....having 8 inches of pants swooshing under your shoes is not just annoying, it's dangerous!

7) Really, buy something that doesn't show the rolls off. I'm just saying.

8) Helmet head is OUT.

9) You keep walking full-tilt while staring at your shoes is gonna lead to an accident...maybe that's the reason for helmet head.

10) Irony....I do not think that word means what you think it means.

11) I don't care about your sissy dog, your new Ginormous HD TV, season tickets, concert trip or vacation to the tackiest place in America. You are a pretentious wanker.

12) You do not always deserve a cookie or a gold star just because you are trying to make ALL your co-workers look bad. Maybe they will bring you some "special" cookies, with "powdered sugar" on them. (anyone see "Flowers in the Attic"? Yeah, like that)

13) Oh, just shut the fuck up already!!


(sorry, workplace inspired rant....fun stuff coming soon!!)

Ok, I SERIOUSLY have several fantastic things to add to this little ramble of mine, but DAMNED WORK keeps getting in the way!

So, until I can properly pen my tomes, I leave you with a link...

http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/2009/08/sunday-sweets-doctor-who.html

All Time Lords and Companions rejoice. I WILL have one of these for my birthday! I'm just sorry I didn't see them before the wedding, or my face would have been covered with blue frosting in that pic!!!!!

Friday's Cheddar & Bacon Potato Skins are evil......

Random thoughts:

*How on earth can it be that my youngest son is starting high school tomorrow?

*Will I get to see District 9 this weekend, or will I be so wrecked from Irish Fest (LOTTA VODKA!! LOTTA VODKA!!!) that I won't be able to?

*Why the hell haven't I heard more about Zombieland?

*How can I get a job just basically wasting my time on Pajiba or Facebook?

*How can I get a job basically doing nothing?

*Is anyone really reading this drivel?



back soon with something more....well, just something

Well, I did it. It's been just over 2 weeks, since I took the plunge. Yup, got married *sigh...again!* But, this one is IT! I can't believe how happy I am, how lucky I am, how full my soul and my heart feel.....as if I have been missing some big chunk of both for years...Now I know I had been missing for at least 9 years, but fate was kind enough (and Mark patient enough) to allow them to come back to me.

It hasn't been a completely idyllic 2 weeks.....we've had several kid issues come up. No, no, not that any of them are unhappy, just general kid issues. When you combine 2 families of kids of varying ages, you are going to discover issues. Nothing we can't handle, together. And, of course, the ever-present issue in most households, both old and new today....$$$$. We are still on a shoestring budget. Neither of us is used to having much help in that area, so we need to sit down, figure out what bills we have vs. what we bring in. You know, regular married people stuff ... : )

I am a complete dork about all this. I have been fanatic about getting my name changed. Within little more than a week of our marriage, I had my new SS card, new drivers license, had changed insurance info at work, and was working on getting my bank accounts and work log-ins changed. Every time I do something around the house, that I may have done a thousand times before, I can't help but think about how it's for my FAMILY.

This is not to say I didn't have a family that I love before I got married. I told my children again and again that it was just us....even when I was with Him, it was still the kids and I, because He lived such a separate life. We stuck together, had to, but now it's just so much more. I am not sure how to explain.

By the way, I saw Him Thursday evening...I know He saw me, but neither of us acknowledged the other. I hope He is well. To quote Forrest, "that's all I have to say about that." Funny how something, no matter how long you may have been involved in it, can fade once you realize you had been forcing yourself, WILLING yourself to try to make it matter.

Anyway, thanks to all of you who were able to make it down on a rainy/sunny/rainy/sun..no, rainy, no beautiful but windy day. And, to those who were not able to make it, thanks for thinking of us. My HUSBAND Mark and I (Mrs. Mark Miller---hehehe!) are very happy and plan to be for a very long time to come.

Next up: other non-romantic, non-mushy, non-wedding related posts.....

ok, I may lapse into what my friend Betsy calls "cutebutgross" territory occasionally, but I will try to keep a lid on it.

Well, here we are, kids. On the verge of an event I thought would never happen. This Saturday, July 25, I am getting married. Yup, little ol' me, at 45, walking down the aisle again. Never thought it would happen.

I never thought I'd get remarried for a lot of reasons.....

1) my previous relationship was seemingly not ever interested in tying the knot...he was happy (or the equivalent of) with the status quo of just living together. No rights or obligations that way I guess.

2) the right one had slipped through my fingers several years ago, totally my fault. We remained friends, who both knew that there were much deeper feelings there, but I honestly thought I had completely blown it.

3) I'm old!! Good godtopus, when did that happen? I don't FEEL in my 40's. I know I have a daughter in her 20's with children, but REALLY?? I'M 45???? That's way too old to find your soulmate and get married!

4) ME? REALLY? ME? I'm not hideous, but I'm nothing to write home about. Just an average Hoosier tomboy.

And yet, here I am, getting teary-eyed over love songs, impatiently waiting for the end of each work day to go home to a strong hug and a kiss, thinking about him all day long, getting all goopy when he sends me a text message. I'm like a teenager! I CAN'T be 45!! You're not supposed to feel this way at my age!

But, maybe you are. Maybe thats when you SHOULD. You've been around the block, tried on others for comfort and still not found what fits you. Then, just as you give up, just as you think all your experience is going to go to waste, he shows up. The right one... the REALLY right one. The one you can't wait to talk to, to hug, to sleep next to, the one you can see yourself building a life with and growing old with.

My hope for everyone is that they find that someone, no matter what the age, and that you DON'T GIVE UP! A surprise awaits around every corner, some good, some not so good. But they are all out there, waiting to be discovered. Explore them, don't be afraid. Don't be like I was for so long...thinking that you have to live the rest of your life as a half-life, because you think that is all you deserve. You deserve to be happy, to be loved. I know that now. Mark has shown me that, and I will spend the rest of my life trying to show him how grateful I am.

Saturday, I will marry the man I dreamed about even before I knew he existed. If 40 is the new 30, that means I have 50 or 60 good years to show him what he means to me. I will shout it from the rooftops, paint it on the watertower, sing about it, talk about it, but mostly, I will do my best to show him what a miracle he is in my life, and how very much I love him. And, how grateful I am that he did not give up on me all those years ago. AND, that, at 45, I am better equipped to love him, and more appreciative and aware of every smile, every kiss, every kind word, than I would have been 20 years ago.

Maybe this is exactly the right time to be getting married, for all the right reasons.

The Joys of Working for the State

Ok, so, I got a pretty good job last winter working for the State. I'd been out of a job for several months, and REALLY needed one! A friend of mine worked for a certain department in State Government and they had an opening, so he recommended me. I applied, and was lucky enough to get the position. It's been a good gig....made some new friends, learned some useless new skills, have awesome benefits, the hours aren't bad (although I drive an hour each way now...used to be just a few blocks from work!)

So, its all good, right? Yeah, well, know all State employees are turning blue from holding our breath. The Legislature of our fine state.....headed by a Speaker of the House who appears to be wearing a dead muskat on his head....could not set a budget for the next fiscal year during their regular session. So, they get called back for a Special Session to finalize one. Today is the end of the fiscal year....it is 1:30 PM and still no budget. If one is not signed into law by midnight, State Government shuts down.

Let's recap, shall we? The elected officials of our state....those we voted in to make decisions for us....could not accomplish their JOB during the time appointed to do so. So, they get OVERTIME to come back and not do their job AGAIN. All the while, we are paying them, paying for their gas, lodging, haircuts, food, etc. These people have other jobs outside the Legislature. That is NOT their sole support. So, they are raking in the dough and having a dick-measuring contest....while we are all in limbo.

Hmmm, if I don't do my job in the appointed time...I GET FIRED!! I don't get to come back and have another shot at it and the chance to make even more!!! WTF??? My job is my ONLY source of income. If I can't come to work tomorrow, I don't get paid! I won't even get paid for my 4th of July holiday!

On the up side, I have spent a lot more time on Pajiba today.....I mean, if they can screw off on taxpayer dollars, why can't I?

Ok, so haven't posted anything of real value lately, and this won't be either. But, what the hell? It's 8:30 AM on a Wednesday and I'm already bored. So, I might as well bore you all too!!!

Work is going ok....officially hit my 6 months mark with the State on Monday, so I am now a full-fledged employee of the great State of Indiana. WOO-HOO!!!

Home is great......still going through a lot of adjustments, but it's wonderful. I am not used to having anyone be so kind and attentive and caring. I am not used to falling asleep in someone's arms every night, and waking up that way lots of mornings, too. I have never been happier in my life.

Wedding planning progresses......who knew there was so much to figure out? Have I forgotten all that, or did I just not do it before, or what??? We want it to be very casual...come as you are, wear shorts, or jeans, or whatever. Got my cake topper (WOO!) and next week I'm ordering the flowers. Also next week, probably going to have a meeting with my chief "planners," Amanda, Lisa & Janet, to decide on some things. Mark has made it pretty clear that he just wants to show up!! And, that's ok....I guess all this planning is really more of a girl thing. The only thing that REALLY matters is, at the end of the day on July 25, I will be Mrs. Mark Miller...now and forever. And, ABOUT DAMNED TIME!!! (that part is TOTALLY my fault!)

Anybody know of any half-decent used cars for sale, cheap?? Trying to find something for Amanda. Good God, she and Jeremy are both SENIORS!!!! WTF???

And, the big news this week is that my daughter, Myrtle the Fertile Turtle (Brittany) is apparently pregnant.....again. I'm not really happy, but what can I do? She's a married woman now. Oy! 3 kids under 3. Have fun with that.

Yeah, so I'm just rambling.........

Bonnie & Mark
Our Wedding Date
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Just a reminder about the long-awaited upcoming wedding! Remember, it's going to be a very casual family affair. We hope you can be there with us. Time....1 PM at Greg & Janet Foster's, 803 S. 600 E. More info coming soon!
Love Bonnie & Mark













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Proud Mom, Beautiful Daughter


2 incredibly handsome men (yes, Mark is slouching to make Jeremy look taller!)

Trae, Amanda & Jeremy....all very lovely!!


Well, down to the last week in the cracker box apartment. Got some of the big stuff out over the weekend, when Mark had his dad's truck. But, still more to go. Amanda, Trae & Jeremy all seemed to have a great time at prom last Saturday, and they all looked wonderful. Amanda looked like a princess. Steven is going to try staying with Tom for a while...maybe a teenage boy needs to get to know his dad. So, over all, things are going extraordinarily well.....


That's what something that happened yesterday has me a little confused. Actually, it started Saturday. After Mark & I dropped the kids off for their ride in the mondo-truck-limo for prom, we went to get something to eat. On the way back, we passed....someone I haven't seen in several months. I know you have read my blog before, so if you are reading, you know who you are. Anyway, I was a little weirded out, but waved. I explained to Mark what was going on as the little green car turned behind us.

So, that was just a little.....odd. Not unexpected in a town this size, but odd nonetheless. On to yesterday...Mark & Jeremy had unloaded some big stuff, Mark & I had unloaded some shelves, and were unloading some boxes to take into the house. Mark had just taken a box in the house, and I was getting one out of the van when the same green car goes past. Again, not that unusual you might say...except that my new home is about 10 minutes out of town, on the county line road, in an extremely rural community. For him/you to be out there, right then, was either an extremely bizarre coincidence, or ... you were looking for me.

For anyone reading this, just so you know.....I am marrying Mark. Being dumped was the greatest thing that has ever happened to me, because it freed me to find what was right before my eyes the whole time. The fact that Mark still wants me after I left him to go back all those years ago is mind-boggling. I have never been so happy, or known so absolutely what I want or where I belong. Being with him is ... being home. So, checking up will change nothing. What we thought we had was never really as real as we imagined. THIS is real.

So, anywho, thanks for reading....and save July 25 on your calendars, because that will be the happiest day of my life!

Quite often, y'all know I steal completely from my friends in the on-line world....here, I'm gonna steal a little, and write a little of my own....

Last week, this world lost a beautiful soul.... a woman I had never met, but yet know with every fiber of my being that I would have enjoyed hanging out with, talking about obnoxious movies, books, TV, etc. Like me, she was not a "girly girl" but a tomboy...a zombie killer, a fighter in ways I cannot even imagine. Her name was Amanda Amos, but most of us in cyber-space knew her as Alabama Pink.

She was a frequent commenter on my favorite addiction, Pajiba. She also had her own blog, Whoa! Camel. A year or so ago, she was diagnosed with leukemia. Instead of hiding her pain from the world, she blogged about it. She was amazingly open about it...the pain, the fear, the hope, the treatments, the loneliness. She talked about her husband and young son. She talked about her parents. She talked about EVERYTHING. And that drew us all in. She was so eloquent in her ravings that we all fell in love with her. We listened, we talked to her, we sent her gifts, we sent money, we laughed, we cried, and mostly, we prayed.

But, last week, all that came to naught. Valiant though she was, the disease got the upper hand and Amanda's fight was over. Pajiba posted a wonderful picture of Patricia Arquette as Alabama in "True Romance" on their banner stating, "In Loving Memory, Alabama Pink" and ran what amounted to a sort of obit column. It was one of the most heartfelt things I have ever read. Then, following that column, the readers of Pajiba took over.....hundreds of us....ordinary schmucks who had never actually met this woman.....told stories about how she had touched us and how we would miss her. It was, to quote Tom Cruise in "Taps" ...."Beautiful, man, BEAUTIFUL!!!""

Several other columns followed, as did many other blogs. It's funny how one person, in the day and age of the internet, can touch so many people's hearts and lives. I am going to copy Pajiba's article from today, because there is some important information in it. But, before I do, I just want to say...Alabama....you were so cool.......

This site has been around for five years in June, and we’ve never been so proud to be a part of it as we were last Thursday. It was the worst of circumstances, but we were completely overwhelmed and touched by what transpired. The outpouring of grief and tears and affection and … fuck it … *love* that you all displayed after hearing about the passing of AlabamaPink — a woman none of you have ever met — was nothing short of magical. It was as though we were witness to a virtual, worldwide slow clap that built and built over the course of the day (and night) celebrating the wonderful life of Amanda Amos. It was the classiest thing we’ve ever seen on the Internet or otherwise. And it wasn’t just on the pages of Pajiba — there were tributes to AlabamaPink on blogs too countless to link, and all over Facebook; Skitz’s AlabamaPink seal began popping up in lots of profile pages. We were so moved by it all, we were tempted to change the site’s tagline to Scathing Reviews, Spectacular People.
We’ve all had a few days now to process Amanda’s passing, and if you haven’t read them yet, I’d like to point you to her husband’s most recent posts: The Last 24 Hours of Amanda’s life and Adrian’s own thoughts about the passing of Amanda. I’ll warn you: They may crush you. They are heartbreaking, and we can’t thank Adrian enough for sharing his thoughts so openly. It takes a lot of strength and courage to open your life up to thousands of friends and strangers. We can’t possibly put into words the amount of respect and admiration we have for Adrian. Really, they are just an amazing, wonderful family.
Over the last few days, we’ve also received a lot of suggestions. There are a lot of you out there who want to do something for Amanda’s family, to channel your sadness into something positive. Something tangible. We weighed a lot of the ideas, and what we’d really like to do is focus it in one place. Their church is putting together a Scholarship Fund for Amanda’s son, Alastair. And if you have anything to spare — $5, $10, $20 — it’d mean a lot to making a lasting contribution to her son’s future. Checks can be made out to the United Christian Church. Write “Alastair Amos” in the memo line. Those checks can be sent to P.O. Box 70759, Richmond, VA 23255.
We can’t thank you enough.
If you’re not in a position to contribute financially, we encourage you all to donate blood to the American Red Cross or put yourself on a bone marrow list. Hopefully, somebody out there can help prevent this happening to someone else. We think that would’ve meant a lot to Amanda.
Amanda’s New Orleans style service will take place this Sunday. There is a remote possibility that Adrian can get it webcast, but in any respect, please do send all your good vibes to Richmond this Sunday.
And finally, Adrian sent us the picture below of Amanda, writing: “The background swallows up the ginormity of her hand-cannon, but here’s Amanda in her 2006 Halloween costume. I was Ash that year, and together we kicked some zombie butt. Unfortunately the movies get it wrong: Zombie apocalypses always end in the total destruction of the human race. But we never lost heart, and I stood by her with my boomstick to the bitter end.”
Like we said: Amazing family.