Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Here are the basic rules, people....these should be followed rigorously, no matter what:

1) If you are a little fluffy, DO NOT wear a dress that is NOT MADE for your body type and is TOO SHORT....I ain't wanting to see where Tribbles come from

2) Do NOT wear hooker heels to work...unless, of course, you're a hooker

3) Your co-workers/friends DO NOT need to hear about every issue you are having, either at home or at work, ad nauseum. You know why I used that phrase? Cause it makes us NAUSEOUS!

4) If you are over the age of 7, DO NOT wear pastels EVERY SINGLE DAY OF YOUR LIFE! You have GOT to be nearing 50 and you look like a damned deranged Easter Egg!

5) STOP PACING IN BETWEEN THE CUBES!! We are freakin' trapped in here, with nothing but spotty internet usage and Ipods to try to maintain our sanity. Seeing you, especially YOU in your color-matched Garanimals, wander/pace by every 3 minutes is making us INSANE!!!

6) Please, god, use the Stitch Witchery. Hem your damn pants! I told you where to buy it, it has instructions for use....having 8 inches of pants swooshing under your shoes is not just annoying, it's dangerous!

7) Really, buy something that doesn't show the rolls off. I'm just saying.

8) Helmet head is OUT.

9) You keep walking full-tilt while staring at your shoes is gonna lead to an accident...maybe that's the reason for helmet head.

10) Irony....I do not think that word means what you think it means.

11) I don't care about your sissy dog, your new Ginormous HD TV, season tickets, concert trip or vacation to the tackiest place in America. You are a pretentious wanker.

12) You do not always deserve a cookie or a gold star just because you are trying to make ALL your co-workers look bad. Maybe they will bring you some "special" cookies, with "powdered sugar" on them. (anyone see "Flowers in the Attic"? Yeah, like that)

13) Oh, just shut the fuck up already!!

(sorry, workplace inspired rant....fun stuff coming soon!!)


meaux said...

Oh good lord, I hear you loud and clear on #3! I seem to have wound up in the position of unofficial office confidante, and it can be just plain painful.

dammitjanet said...

yeah, that's....well, I can't say in case my co-worker reads this, but DAYUM!! Talk about not having to breathe when you talk!!! Never a breath, and no amount of trying to change the subject EVER works!

Anonymous said...

Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!