From my son the Marine....this came in yesterday's dinner....

It speaks for itself.

Ok, today's rant. I finally bit the bullet and upgraded my beloved Env2. I LOOOOOVE my phone, but the 0 and the OK on the front are not working, it randomly shuts off at times, and tends to randomly dial former calls, but I still love it. It has been my only camera forever, and held a shit-ton of pix, boatloads of ringtones I have downloaded or made, videos shot of all kinds of stuff, old text messages and so on. But, it's over 2 years old and I was due for an upgrade. My qualifications for a new phone were: QWERTY keyboard, good camera, preferably with video and the ability to use a micro sd card.

Hence, VZW's brand new Pantech Jest. 2.0 megapixel camera, QWERTY, blah blah blah.....and, it was free with my upgrade. I WANTED an Env3, but you have to have the damn data package with that, and I don't WANT a data package.

My new teeny phone came yesterday....very cute and all. I try to load in my micro sd, holding all my pix, ringtones, videos, etc.....and, it reformats and EATS THEM ALL! Everything I had saved....GONE! All my photos, my ringtones, my videos.....gallons of turkey soup, ALL GONE!!! And the damn keyboard has a shortcut to go to for your symbols, and the number keys are also letter keys.....they were NOT on the Env2. I have tried and tried to sync my ringtones to this damn little thing, but no luck. Same with pix. I got nuthin.

So, if anyone out there knows a way to get my DAMN RINGTONES to work (cuz the Barber of Seville, NOT being the Bugs Bunny variety, in the default tones ain't cuttin' it) or to save my pix to it or anything, please tell me now!!! I'm about 15 hours away from giving this to one of the teenagers in the house (who will probably have it figured out and making French Toast in 15 minutes) and rescuing my beloved #2.

I loves my Pajiba. Most of you know this, and are Pajibaholics yourself. So, imagine my immense JOY today to find the 2010 Pajiba Ten--the 10 most bangable celebs out there. I would like to re-post my faves. And, yes, I've included a couple of the girlys, too. Enough alcohol and who knows what could happen? I have to admit, I don't get a couple of the guys on the list.....and the fact that Robert Downey Jr. has attainted Permanent Hall of Fame Status (along, in my mind, with Jude Law, Hugh Jackman and maybe Josh Holloway) leaves me with only a few that are absolute MUSTS. Pay particular attention to #1. Look at any of my wedding pix. Yes, I have a thing for that.......



10. Zooey Deschanel : Sometimes I think that Zooey Deschanel is just too much, and that if she didn’t exist Wes Anderson would have to invent her. She was named after a Salinger character by her arty-but-not-too-famous parents, is married to the dude from Death Cab for Cutie, and sings cool jazz standards with a smoky elegance that leaves pretenders like Scarlett Johansson frozen at the starting line. Deschanel is every slightly left-of-center, alt-rock nerd’s fantasy girl — the complete, Indie package you’d push Natalie Portman out of the way for.

With immense, slightly googly-eyes, Deschanel is beautiful in a way that would hit you over the head in the real world, but in the context of celebrity seems almost subtle. This gives her an accessible quality, like a diamond in the rough you might actually know and flirt with at the coffee shop instead of some numinous entity that exists only on the pages of magazines.

Although she possesses the strong, angular features of a model, there’s an inclusive rather than exclusive aspect to her appearance. She conveys an appealing sense of wonder and modesty, and you get the sense that she’s an old soul, somebody that is more generous to the world around her than it is to her.

Her deadpan delivery, that often feels like it comes from a great distance, seems utterly honest rather than sarcastic, as if she’s telling a truth that the rest of us lack the courage, or sensitivity, to articulate. She’s like a really, really good looking version of Miranda July, and you just want to be so lucky as to grow old with her, luxuriating in her voice, as year after year she sings “Baby It’s Cold Outside” on Christmas Eve. — Michael Murray
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9. James McAvoy : James McAvoy should not be sexy. He’s a bit short, inarguably scrawny, and lacking in the sort of chiseled good looks that distinguish most leading men. But there’s just a look about him, an intensity and confidence in his gaze and movements that says “you’re going to do whatever I want, and you’ll like it.” He can drop panties from across the room with a well-timed smirk. This quality can make certain roles of his, like Mr. Tumnus in The Chronicles of Narnia far more unsettling than they should be (Anyone wonder how many pubescent girls are going to have a thing for satyrs after that?) but means his role in Atonement was heartbreakingly romantic and his work in Wanted the stuff that guilty pleasures are made of. It doesn’t hurt that he’s actually a talented actor, so you don’t have to justify your appreciation of his roles with a mumbled “Well, I just like it, OK?” or hide the DVDs of his movies in the cases of better movies. (Not Wanted. That movie is best watched with the sound off because it’s very pretty but very stupid. And everyone will know you own it for exactly that reason.) I suppose I should say something here about him being the “thinking woman’s sex symbol” but I’ve always hated that phrase because it implies a more intellectual attraction than a physical one, and I think all the women out there who voted for Mr. McAvoy had some very physical plans for him when they wrote his name down. And that’s without even touching on that delightful accent of his. He could make the lamest “Ya got annae Scottish in ya? Would yea like some?” line a winner. — Intern Rusty


7. David Tennant : David Tennant was introduced to many of us, myself included, as the Tenth Doctor. And sure, he quickly endeared himself to many a woman-kind with his pleasing aesthetics and flashy smile (complete with those weird “new teeth” of his). But Tennant’s portrayal of the good Doctor is more than just a pretty boy perpetually running both literally (where, by the way, can I get me a pair of his comfy-looking sneaks?) and figuratively (in a wibbly wobbly timey wimey sense). That literal running was but a part of Tennant’s innate physical comedy which, itself, was but a part of the playfulness, charm, and wit Tennant imbued the Doctor with. While that made Tennant’s performance enjoyable, what made it impressive was that over forty-odd episodes Tennant was able to continually show us glimpses of the Doctor’s time-and-space spanning intellect, heartbreaking sorrow and world-shattering rage in a way that seemed to take absolutely no effort whatsoever. If I were an actor, I’d hate him for the ease with which he seemed to wear the role.
Tennant’s placement on this list is also helped by the fact that he seems, off the telly and in real life, to be just as warm and witty as fans hope. So it was no surprise that the announcement of Tennant’s departure from “Doctor Who” left many feeling aggrieved, because fans wanted Tennant to go even less than Ten, himself, wanted to go. But the good news is that this leaves Tennant free to go new places, and if his titular performance in Hamlet with Sir Patrick Stewart, which was an absolutely wonderful blend of the Doctor and the Bard, is any indication of things to come, I’m ready to join him. Allons-y! — Seth Freilich

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6. Rachel Weisz : Rachel Weisz. How amazing is she? Her big break was in The Mummy, of all things (after small roles in films like Stealing Beauty). And its sequel, The Mummy Returns. The thought of her kissing Brendan Fraser makes me want to tear the world apart. It’s not right, you know? Fortunately, it didn’t take long for Ms. Weisz, now only 40 years old, to take Hollywood by the throat and slap it around some. She’s an Academy Award winner (The Constant Gardener). She fought demons in Constantine. She’s wooed by Hugh Grant in About a Boy and loved across time by Hugh Jackman in The Fountain. None of them deserve her. She’s a stunning actress, and to boot, absolutely gorgeous, the kind of reserved beauty that’s rare in Hollywood. Her ability to portray such a wide array of characters is what makes her amazing and intriguing, and a radiant smile and strangely sexy eyebrows certainly help. She’s also utterly adorable in the underappreciated The Brothers Bloom. But most importantly, Rachel Weisz is a real woman, a grown up, mature, intelligent actress who picks her parts carefully (she gets a Mulligan for her voice work on Eragon), and plays her roles with passion and grace. Coupled with a breathtaking sexiness and unique beauty and, well…whew. I need a minute. — TK

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1. Timothy Olyphant : Now, down where I’m from — Oklahoma, to be precise — one commonly observes a lot of fellows walking around in cowboy hats. Most of these guys look rather ridiculous, unlike the fetching top pick on this list. Quite simply, nobody looks as good while doffing a cowboy hat as Timothy Olyphant does, and no mere mortal or demi-god could hope to match that sexually-charged killer swagger either. However, one thing that has yet to be proven (although I do have my suspicions) is whether Olyphantastic (my eternal gratitude to whomever truly coined that term) could successfully pull off sporting a Stetson and nothing else at all (alright, he can bring the spurs too). Still, even though I’ve got an obvious fondness for his lawman look (and, given his roles in Deadwood, Justified, and The Crazies, he seems rather happy to continually oblige the sex-in-uniform concept), he’s always truly a pleasure to witness onscreen and just convinces in every damn role. Undoubtedly, part of his appeal is a set of peepers that, both in intensity and ability to speak wordless volumes, rivals that of Michael Biehn, and an ass that, well, just look at that ass. It could make angels weep because not even Heaven contains such sheer perfection in symmetrical form. As if that weren’t enough to cause spontaneous twitching of the ovaries, just witness the mesmerizing ability of this man to use his entire body to kiss a woman into certifiable insanity. In other words, ride ‘em hard, cowboy. — Agent Bedhead

Four Score and Countless Zombies Ago....

Seth Grahame-Smith has got a hell of a gig. First he took the dry-as-Emilly-Dickinson's-cooter chick lit classic "Pride and Prejudice" and made it readable by adding zombies. Now he has taken arguably America's greatest President and turned him, his whole life, and the history of our country upside down in "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter."

I love me a good zombie/vampire/psycho fest, so when I heard about this coming out, I was psyched. I waited WEEKS for it to be available in our small-town library (I've got 2 kids going to college in the fall!! I can't afford to actually BUY a book!!) And, for the most part, it was worth the wait.

The book follows the chronology of Honest Abe's life, starting with his family's hardscrabble life in Kentucky on the Cumberland Trail. His father Thomas, a rather shiftless sort, decides to uproot his family to Indiana, and that is where the trouble begins. Abe is doted on by his mother, Nancy, who teaches him to read and write and who gives him a leather-bound journal for a gift. This journal, and the many that follow, are the basis for this story. When Abe is eleven, he overhears his father and another man arguing outside their cabin. He doesn't know what they are arguing about, but finds out soon enough. Shortly after the midnight visit from this stranger, Abe's aunt & uncle nearby fall sick and pass away, suffering from tremendous fevers and hallucinations. His mother nurses them, and not long after their deaths, becomes ill herself. The country doctor diagnoses all of them with "milk sickness." Nancy, the guiding force in young Abe's life, dies. Abe is devastated. Not long after, his father, who has taken to drink, tells Abe a story at the fireside about how his own father died, not at the hand of Indians, but was killed by a band of vampires. The man who argued with Thomas was also vampire who Thomas had taken a loan from. When he is unable to repay the debt, the vampire takes his revenge out on Nancy.

This propels Abe into a life of vampire hunting. He reads what he can, sharpens his ax and stakes and goes a'huntin. On one mission, a female vampire nearly kills him, but he is saved by another bloodsucker named Henry Sturges. Henry then becomes his teacher and muse, showing him how to properly hunt and kill the undead, and providing him with the names of those who "deserve it sooner." Nearly everything in Abe's life from that point on is driven by 4 things: the loss of his mother and her dying words to him to "live"; his insatiable hatred of vampires; his discovery of how vampires and slaves are connected; and Henry's influence.

Smith works in the most important people in Abe's life....Joshua Speed, Ann Rutledge, Stephen Douglas, Mary the loon, John Wilkes Booth, and so on. Some are vampires, some of their deaths are caused by vampires. That Emancipation Proclamation thingy? Yeah, that wasn't just to end slavery.....it all fits in with the vampire storyline.

The early parts of the book are fast-paced and a fun read. However, as Abe ages and witnesses more and more death and destruction wrought, in this case not by cruel luck, but by the undead, things take on a slower, more somber pace. The vampire-related events of the later years, including his run for the Presidency and his time in office, start to feel forced. "Oh, hey, and then......yeah, he's a vampire, too!! Let's have a vampire attack this guy!"

All in all, a good, fairly quick summer read. Not necessarily something you would go back to and re-read, but if you like alternate history or a little vampirey action, it's worth picking up.


dammitjanet was born in a small town, probably die in a small town. To read some of her infrequent musings on life, the universe and everything, visit youlookfunny.blogspot.com

If you haven't watched the finale of LOST, DO NOT READ (yet!)

So.....that was......wait, what? I mean, I get it...but I don't get it. So many questions left unanswered, so many characters left hanging.

There were moments when it felt like this was all going to come to a fantastic end. Jack and Smocke battling over the Island, after Desmond pulled the hell-cork, including a fantastic shot of Jack leaping from above Smocke, in full fist-flying ass-kicking pose. Then, Smocke stabbed him in the side, just like......somebody. Lapidus floating on some debris from the sub, and saving a few of the Losties by kicking the plane into action. Miles finding Richard's first gray hair. Sawyer whacking Ben in the face, and just being the awesome that he is. Kate ... being pretty annoying until she wasted Smocke. Claire being...messed up. Hurley being his adorable Hurleyness.

And in the alternate time-line, some really beautiful moments of connection and memory. The one that really got me sobbing was Sawyer and Juliet. Some of the others felt very contrived, but this one was beautifully done.

Where were all the alternate-Islanders going? To the concert? That's what we were led to believe, but no...to a church...to Christian Shephard's funeral (and how much did anyone else love that Alterna-Kate thought that name was HILARIOUS??) where Christian was some sort of weird spiritual guide telling Jack they were all dead!!! WTF??????

No explaining Dharma? No explaining what the heck made Walt so special in the beginning? No explanation as to who took over after Hurley & Ben's reign? Several of the couples had children in one time line or the other....where were they? Just, "They were LOST souls?" WHAT????

I'm very ambivalent about the whole thing. It's always been spotty...a confusing ride that led mr. dammit to say that the name of the show is all you need to know...because if you watch it, you're gonna be lost (he gave up on it some time ago). But, really, I was hoping for more than this. Someone on Pajiba said it reminded them of the final episode of Quantum Leap. I agree, to a point. That final episode made me FURIOUS...this one just confused the crap out of me.

I'm gonna miss my LOST fix, that's for sure. At it's best, it was a well-written show that BEGGED for the viewer to THINK and pay attention, not just sit blankly in front of the TV. At it's worst, it became too full of it's own mystery and mythology. The finale, in my opinion, leaned too much toward the latter.

At least Vincent was ok....except that he wasn't in the church. I think that's because this whole thing took place in his little doggy head.

Tonite is the finale of 24, so let's see how much that honks me off!!

(picture courtesy of my mother-in-law's MAD photoshop skills!)

HI!! Yeah, I've been gone for.....ages. My life is a lot different now.....when you're truly happy, time flies.

I don't have a lot to say, and since practically nobody reads this anyway, it really doesn't matter! Let's see....where to start...

1) grandson #3 born in January...Colton Cash. Doing well..yes, that's 3 baby boys in 3 years. My daughter is HOPEFULLY done for awhile!!

2) Amanda & Jeremy were both accepted to Ball State for this fall. YAY!!

3) Chris is ok in Afghanistan, but we are anxiously waiting until he is back in the states.

4) Steven moved to Falmouth with us in March.

5) We had a hell of a winter....lost 2 vehicles in 2 accidents in a week's time. In the 2nd one, Mark flipped his truck and broke his wrist. I have never been so terrified in my life.

6) Speaking of Mark, he is absolutely wonderful. All the years I wasted being too afraid to make a change in my life...and I could have been THIS HAPPY all along. Stupid me.

So, in a nutshell, that's it. I'm still making the big trek to Indy every day, Mark is now driving to Richmond doing IT stuff that he really enjoys.

I promise I'll come back with something worthwhile SOMETIME. but for right now...just know that for the first time I can ever remember, I am really truly honestly happy.

From the most awesome Chez at Deus Ex Malcontent:
(Yes, I have purchased the book. Yes, I CANNOT recommend it highly enough! Entertaining, harrowing, brilliant, funny, sad....Chez)



No, the Other Twilight
We're still a few weeks away from the big Fall Pledge Drive around these parts, but in the interim I'm gonna ask for a minor favor from the regular readers of DXM.Basically here's the deal: Beginning tonight and for the next couple of days, I'm making a major sales push for my book, Dead Star Twilight. The reason, believe it or not, has nothing to do with money; it has everything to do with creating a spike in sales figures. I realize that this thing's been out for more than a year now and a lot of you have already downloaded and read it -- and to you, I obviously say a very big thank you -- but I know that given my daily numbers, there are plenty of you who have yet to pick up a copy. If you haven't yet read Dead Star Twilight, now's definitely the time. Suffice it to say that your support could very well lead, at long last, to something very big for your humble narrator. There are a few things that are about to begin happening behind the scenes in regard to the book, and my agent needs all the ammo he can get in his battle to bring a little recognition in this direction. Yeah, I know -- I'm really putting myself out on the line here. But anyone who's been reading this site long enough knows that this book -- as well as (you heard it here first) the potential prequel to come -- means the world to me, both personally and professionally. So if you've read Dead Star Twilight and liked it, tell your friends to buy a copy, or two or three. If you haven't read it yet -- well, for God's sake what are you waiting for?Come on, Blue Blaze Irregulars. I'm putting out the signal.To purchase Dead Star Twilight and have a PDF copy immediately downloaded to your computer go here. Excerpts from Dead Star Twilight:No Place Like Home/9.29.08 Ship of Fools/2.22.08Welcome to the Monkey House/6.4.07The Ex Files/6.7.07Imperfect Strangers/8.30.07With Love and Resentment, Your Past/9.5.07Listening Post: Memoir Edition/1.27.08DST Soundtrack/4.7.08

Happy Halloween....I guess. I'm too depressed to care..........

(yes, I am at work today in this outfit!!!)

I swear, my whole life people have told me I look like her!

Rush County Players Community Theatre Group presents: THE HAUNTED TRAIL OF TERROR!!! Oct. 23 & 24, from 7 - 11 pm. Kid friendly area in the pavilion--$5, Haunted Trail--$7, or $10 for both. Family-friendly Halloween scares for all!! Come out and support the Rush County Players!!!!

WHEW!!!! Finished the EE yesterday, and it was a hell of a ride! thanks to all the insane Pajibans out there who made it both a challenge and a joy!

Happy Anniversary to me!!

One month today!! Thanks, Mark, for making me happier than I have ever been, or ever thought I could be!

A quick note, since I am up to my eyeballs in comments....

You Pajibans are....a fucked up bunch.

To mis-quote some random guy overheard on the phone in Season 2 episode of Six Feet Under entitled "The Plan,"

I love you, you sick twisted fucks!

That's right, bitches. It is ON!

The illustrious Figgy of Pajiba, melting majestically in Texas while on vacay from Honduras, has chosen yours truly to take on the duties of choosing Pajiba's "Eloquent Eloquence"-- or top 10 comments of the week, for the upcoming week.

As a Pajiba-nut (Pajibanatic, Pajibaloonie, Pajibamaniac, what have you) I am very excited and honored. I will freely admit that I spend a large portion of my free time on Pajiba. Most of my *cough* mass *ahem* of visitors to this blog are Pajibans, so they know what the competition is like, and how exciting it is to be chosen for the top 10, if not for the #1 position. I'm not sure how I am going to do it. There are so many damn funny people on Pajiba....Skitz, TK, PissBoy, Anna VB, Julie, Dr. C, admin, Kolby, Stacy, Sabrina, Genny/Rusty, PaddyDog, Lizzie...oh, crap, I could never name you all. I don't know how I am going to choose. I did post some items that could be used for bribery, so we'll see who ponies up.

Anyway, it's going to be an interesting week. This is doubly odd, since I still have to write my confessional about my lip balm/Chapstick addiction that so many of us Pajibaladies admitted to recently.

Pray for me....it's gonna be a long, tough week.

Here are the basic rules, people....these should be followed rigorously, no matter what:

1) If you are a little fluffy, DO NOT wear a dress that is NOT MADE for your body type and is TOO SHORT....I ain't wanting to see where Tribbles come from

2) Do NOT wear hooker heels to work...unless, of course, you're a hooker

3) Your co-workers/friends DO NOT need to hear about every issue you are having, either at home or at work, ad nauseum. You know why I used that phrase? Cause it makes us NAUSEOUS!

4) If you are over the age of 7, DO NOT wear pastels EVERY SINGLE DAY OF YOUR LIFE! You have GOT to be nearing 50 and you look like a damned deranged Easter Egg!

5) STOP PACING IN BETWEEN THE CUBES!! We are freakin' trapped in here, with nothing but spotty internet usage and Ipods to try to maintain our sanity. Seeing you, especially YOU in your color-matched Garanimals, wander/pace by every 3 minutes is making us INSANE!!!

6) Please, god, use the Stitch Witchery. Hem your damn pants! I told you where to buy it, it has instructions for use....having 8 inches of pants swooshing under your shoes is not just annoying, it's dangerous!

7) Really, buy something that doesn't show the rolls off. I'm just saying.

8) Helmet head is OUT.

9) You keep walking full-tilt while staring at your shoes is gonna lead to an accident...maybe that's the reason for helmet head.

10) Irony....I do not think that word means what you think it means.

11) I don't care about your sissy dog, your new Ginormous HD TV, season tickets, concert trip or vacation to the tackiest place in America. You are a pretentious wanker.

12) You do not always deserve a cookie or a gold star just because you are trying to make ALL your co-workers look bad. Maybe they will bring you some "special" cookies, with "powdered sugar" on them. (anyone see "Flowers in the Attic"? Yeah, like that)

13) Oh, just shut the fuck up already!!


(sorry, workplace inspired rant....fun stuff coming soon!!)

Ok, I SERIOUSLY have several fantastic things to add to this little ramble of mine, but DAMNED WORK keeps getting in the way!

So, until I can properly pen my tomes, I leave you with a link...

http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/2009/08/sunday-sweets-doctor-who.html

All Time Lords and Companions rejoice. I WILL have one of these for my birthday! I'm just sorry I didn't see them before the wedding, or my face would have been covered with blue frosting in that pic!!!!!

Friday's Cheddar & Bacon Potato Skins are evil......

Random thoughts:

*How on earth can it be that my youngest son is starting high school tomorrow?

*Will I get to see District 9 this weekend, or will I be so wrecked from Irish Fest (LOTTA VODKA!! LOTTA VODKA!!!) that I won't be able to?

*Why the hell haven't I heard more about Zombieland?

*How can I get a job just basically wasting my time on Pajiba or Facebook?

*How can I get a job basically doing nothing?

*Is anyone really reading this drivel?



back soon with something more....well, just something

Well, I did it. It's been just over 2 weeks, since I took the plunge. Yup, got married *sigh...again!* But, this one is IT! I can't believe how happy I am, how lucky I am, how full my soul and my heart feel.....as if I have been missing some big chunk of both for years...Now I know I had been missing for at least 9 years, but fate was kind enough (and Mark patient enough) to allow them to come back to me.

It hasn't been a completely idyllic 2 weeks.....we've had several kid issues come up. No, no, not that any of them are unhappy, just general kid issues. When you combine 2 families of kids of varying ages, you are going to discover issues. Nothing we can't handle, together. And, of course, the ever-present issue in most households, both old and new today....$$$$. We are still on a shoestring budget. Neither of us is used to having much help in that area, so we need to sit down, figure out what bills we have vs. what we bring in. You know, regular married people stuff ... : )

I am a complete dork about all this. I have been fanatic about getting my name changed. Within little more than a week of our marriage, I had my new SS card, new drivers license, had changed insurance info at work, and was working on getting my bank accounts and work log-ins changed. Every time I do something around the house, that I may have done a thousand times before, I can't help but think about how it's for my FAMILY.

This is not to say I didn't have a family that I love before I got married. I told my children again and again that it was just us....even when I was with Him, it was still the kids and I, because He lived such a separate life. We stuck together, had to, but now it's just so much more. I am not sure how to explain.

By the way, I saw Him Thursday evening...I know He saw me, but neither of us acknowledged the other. I hope He is well. To quote Forrest, "that's all I have to say about that." Funny how something, no matter how long you may have been involved in it, can fade once you realize you had been forcing yourself, WILLING yourself to try to make it matter.

Anyway, thanks to all of you who were able to make it down on a rainy/sunny/rainy/sun..no, rainy, no beautiful but windy day. And, to those who were not able to make it, thanks for thinking of us. My HUSBAND Mark and I (Mrs. Mark Miller---hehehe!) are very happy and plan to be for a very long time to come.

Next up: other non-romantic, non-mushy, non-wedding related posts.....

ok, I may lapse into what my friend Betsy calls "cutebutgross" territory occasionally, but I will try to keep a lid on it.

Well, here we are, kids. On the verge of an event I thought would never happen. This Saturday, July 25, I am getting married. Yup, little ol' me, at 45, walking down the aisle again. Never thought it would happen.

I never thought I'd get remarried for a lot of reasons.....

1) my previous relationship was seemingly not ever interested in tying the knot...he was happy (or the equivalent of) with the status quo of just living together. No rights or obligations that way I guess.

2) the right one had slipped through my fingers several years ago, totally my fault. We remained friends, who both knew that there were much deeper feelings there, but I honestly thought I had completely blown it.

3) I'm old!! Good godtopus, when did that happen? I don't FEEL in my 40's. I know I have a daughter in her 20's with children, but REALLY?? I'M 45???? That's way too old to find your soulmate and get married!

4) ME? REALLY? ME? I'm not hideous, but I'm nothing to write home about. Just an average Hoosier tomboy.

And yet, here I am, getting teary-eyed over love songs, impatiently waiting for the end of each work day to go home to a strong hug and a kiss, thinking about him all day long, getting all goopy when he sends me a text message. I'm like a teenager! I CAN'T be 45!! You're not supposed to feel this way at my age!

But, maybe you are. Maybe thats when you SHOULD. You've been around the block, tried on others for comfort and still not found what fits you. Then, just as you give up, just as you think all your experience is going to go to waste, he shows up. The right one... the REALLY right one. The one you can't wait to talk to, to hug, to sleep next to, the one you can see yourself building a life with and growing old with.

My hope for everyone is that they find that someone, no matter what the age, and that you DON'T GIVE UP! A surprise awaits around every corner, some good, some not so good. But they are all out there, waiting to be discovered. Explore them, don't be afraid. Don't be like I was for so long...thinking that you have to live the rest of your life as a half-life, because you think that is all you deserve. You deserve to be happy, to be loved. I know that now. Mark has shown me that, and I will spend the rest of my life trying to show him how grateful I am.

Saturday, I will marry the man I dreamed about even before I knew he existed. If 40 is the new 30, that means I have 50 or 60 good years to show him what he means to me. I will shout it from the rooftops, paint it on the watertower, sing about it, talk about it, but mostly, I will do my best to show him what a miracle he is in my life, and how very much I love him. And, how grateful I am that he did not give up on me all those years ago. AND, that, at 45, I am better equipped to love him, and more appreciative and aware of every smile, every kiss, every kind word, than I would have been 20 years ago.

Maybe this is exactly the right time to be getting married, for all the right reasons.