Well, here we are, kids. On the verge of an event I thought would never happen. This Saturday, July 25, I am getting married. Yup, little ol' me, at 45, walking down the aisle again. Never thought it would happen.
I never thought I'd get remarried for a lot of reasons.....
1) my previous relationship was seemingly not ever interested in tying the knot...he was happy (or the equivalent of) with the status quo of just living together. No rights or obligations that way I guess.
2) the right one had slipped through my fingers several years ago, totally my fault. We remained friends, who both knew that there were much deeper feelings there, but I honestly thought I had completely blown it.
3) I'm old!! Good godtopus, when did that happen? I don't FEEL in my 40's. I know I have a daughter in her 20's with children, but REALLY?? I'M 45???? That's way too old to find your soulmate and get married!
4) ME? REALLY? ME? I'm not hideous, but I'm nothing to write home about. Just an average Hoosier tomboy.
And yet, here I am, getting teary-eyed over love songs, impatiently waiting for the end of each work day to go home to a strong hug and a kiss, thinking about him all day long, getting all goopy when he sends me a text message. I'm like a teenager! I CAN'T be 45!! You're not supposed to feel this way at my age!
But, maybe you are. Maybe thats when you SHOULD. You've been around the block, tried on others for comfort and still not found what fits you. Then, just as you give up, just as you think all your experience is going to go to waste, he shows up. The right one... the REALLY right one. The one you can't wait to talk to, to hug, to sleep next to, the one you can see yourself building a life with and growing old with.
My hope for everyone is that they find that someone, no matter what the age, and that you DON'T GIVE UP! A surprise awaits around every corner, some good, some not so good. But they are all out there, waiting to be discovered. Explore them, don't be afraid. Don't be like I was for so long...thinking that you have to live the rest of your life as a half-life, because you think that is all you deserve. You deserve to be happy, to be loved. I know that now. Mark has shown me that, and I will spend the rest of my life trying to show him how grateful I am.
Saturday, I will marry the man I dreamed about even before I knew he existed. If 40 is the new 30, that means I have 50 or 60 good years to show him what he means to me. I will shout it from the rooftops, paint it on the watertower, sing about it, talk about it, but mostly, I will do my best to show him what a miracle he is in my life, and how very much I love him. And, how grateful I am that he did not give up on me all those years ago. AND, that, at 45, I am better equipped to love him, and more appreciative and aware of every smile, every kiss, every kind word, than I would have been 20 years ago.
Maybe this is exactly the right time to be getting married, for all the right reasons.